Antee Swowz Yel


I've been such an anti-social person lately. 

The other day, during Dinner, my friends thought we should try that thing where we all put our cellphones on top of each other throughout the evening without checking them.  The goal was to interact with each other. As you know, times have changed. People hang out so they won't have to scroll through their phones alone.

I found it so hard to talk to them. It was like, we were all talking at once, or at one point I wasn't relating to anyone at all. I kept talking but no one was listening, sometimes they were but it felt like I didn't know what I was saying. It was a confusing time.

I also ended up saying a lot of things related to feels. Which was stupid. It was not the time for that.

Earlier today, also during Dinner, our waiter came to our table and tried to make small talk. I DESPISE small talk. I tried so hard to remain polite and interested. It made me uncomfortable.

On my way to work everyday, the Driver tries to initiate small talk with me. Although it's fun, because you always learn something new from conversations like this, especially during rides on your way to work, but these days, I just feel like keeping to myself. I feel like my conscience would nudge me sometimes, telling me to try to be a little considerate. But that's like, not being true to myself... Right? I don't know.

People in the office think I don't like hanging out with them probably, because I barely sit with them during Lunch Break. But it's nothing like that. 

I just enjoy the silence, I guess. I like hearing myself, my thoughts. You should see how happy I am when I find out I'm in the lounge alone.

People are such a disappointment, you know?
Sometimes I feel like, the lesser actual, real-life, face to face interaction I have with them, the better.

Just let me sit here in one corner and take selfies in peace. You know, that feeling. Don't get me wrong though, I love my friends. I really do. 

This is probably just a phase too, I guess. Or maybe the times are changing. Maybe I'M changing. Somehow, it does feel good to know that you really don't need people at all, and yeah - there are a handful of people I know I will always need. But I guess I'm talking about the overall concept of people in our lives. Be grateful for the friendships, for the family you have. Maybe what I'm trying to say is, apart from God - you're all you'll ever need, really. The rest is just a bonus.

Oh, Adulthood. 

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