It happened again.
I had one of those episodes where I relapse back into the dark hole that I crawled, Sadako style, my way out of.

It was calm.
It was like sitting on the edge of the dock, looking over the calmest, calmest Lake you have ever seen in your life. (And Lakes, have always terrified me. Nothing could be more terrifying than a calm body of water.)

Nothing could be more tiring than this.
Nothingness. Calmness.
With actually nothing to look forward to.

A steady life is good.
But then again, that's just a flat line.

What's the point. 

What I would give to disappear.
Disappear into thin smoke. Into nothing.