Four Forty Seven


Time Check. Who cares, the Sun's about to rise. Been quite inactive with my baby (a.k.a. this blog) because my other baby (a.k.a., my Laptop) hasn't been in full functioning mood for the past what, 3 months? I call it "mood" because I feel like it really has been very moody. Yes, on purpose. But thank God for friends who used to work in Apple. YAY, I didn't have to shell out what could have been a thousand to have this repaired (like I have that much money these days, duh).

So here's a photo of me and my Baby as soon as we got home. We bought it a pretty new crystal case too! In Turquoise... or Sea Green? 





So I'm not sure I've told all y'all what I've been up to lately? I am jobless, yet again. But God willing not for long. Just recently I was depressed, yet again, because I was going through another mid-life crisis. I didn't know what the hell I was doing with my life. I felt like I had no direction whatsoever. Like Cher Horowitz, during the time when breaking in her purple clogs is what constitutes an important part of the day.

Don't get me wrong though, breaking in shoes are very important. But you know what I mean. It could be very intimidating to see friends who are younger than me yet already have a very tight grasp on the reality of life, and what they wish to do with it. Is it because I did not pay attention on Career Planning 101 in College?

I've had the urge to go back to Fashion Blogging, and my newfound friend Anton actually pep-talked me into starting fresh, but I have yet to fix my space! 

My mind is very cluttered - like my flat. But I surely did miss blogging like this. I've been spilling feels all over the place. Not cool.

Don't you miss the days before Twitter existed? I hate it sometimes, how we turned our backs against blogging and resorted to micro-blogging. How we should fit all these things into a hundred and forty characters and lose the essence of our stories and rants and whatever.

Alright. I should go to bed.
Or whatever.


2 comments:

Far, Far Away From Here


Been awhile since I cried to a song. This one spoke to me directly. Every word. Every word on this song. 


If I had a pair of wings
I'd pick you and fly you far away from here
And you'd put your worries upon my shoulders, my dear
Now I know I can't save you
From the troubles of the world
And this sounds like such a silly thing
But if I could fly you away
With a big old pair of wings

And if I had a pair of wings
I'd pick you and fly you far away from here
And we'd fly so high up in the sky
Where the stars are so clear
And then I could save you
From the troubles of the world
And all you'd have to pack is your heart to bring
And there we are, you and me
Flying on a big ol' pair of wings

We keep getting older, the world keeps getting colder
Tell me when did we lose our way?
It's so hard not to lose your mind in such crazy days
And if I had one wish I know what I'd wish for
There's only one thing that'll do
I'll fly away on this pair of wings with you
If I had a pair of wings
I'd scoop you up we'd fly away and disappear
And you could put your worries upon my shoulders, my dear
Now I know I can't save you
From the troubles of the world
And this sounds like such a silly thing
But if I could fly you away
On a big old pair of wings

And if I had a pair of wings
I'd pick you and fly you far away form here
And I could stay right by your side and keep you so near
And then I could save you from the troubles of the world
And all you'd have to pack is your heart to bring
And there we are, you and me
Flying on a big ol' pair of wings

We keep getting older, the world keeps getting colder
Tell me when did we lose our way?
It's so hard not to lose your mind in such crazy days
And if I had one wish I know what I'd wish for
There's only one thing that'll do
I'll fly away on this pair of wings with you
If I had one wish I know what I'd wish for
There's only one thing that'll do
I'd fly away on this pair of wings with you
I said if I had one wish I know what I'd wish for
There's only one thing that'll do
I'd fly away on this pair of wings with you

0 comments:

Hello Again

I woke up with a very familiar feeling of not having the will to live. "Why didn't I die in my sleep?" I thought to myself. Last night was worse. Lying awake on the bed until 5 in the morning,and I couldn't help but wish it was my last night on Earth. 

I wanted to watch myself go. I was battling the need to fall asleep, because, well, why do we even need sleep? It's temporary death - so teasing. You are relieved of your pain until you open your eyes.

Aren't feelings funny? When you feel them in your heart, and hear the words, describing your feelings in your head, it makes so much sense - until you blurt it out. When you say your feelings with your heart, to the world it sounds like an ordinary thing. Like they've heard it before. Like it's usual. Normal. 

When it clearly isn't.
You want depth. You want them to feel you to the very core of your being, your bones. You want them to cut past the flesh, the blood, the veins. You want them to be you at that very moment, feeling the things you do. And yet they can't. Because they are easily blinded by their own opinions of the situation you're in, and worse - they are blinded by their opinions of you, saying if they were in your shoes, they'd know what to do, because its supposed to be easy.

But really, what do they know?
Nothing of my pain, nothing of my suffering. The only one who understands me is God, and yet here I am, not taking His hand, not accepting His embrace, not listening to His guidance.

I'm a Wreck.

2 comments:

YOU

I feel like its a spiral with you. Depending on the wind's direction, it goes upward, sometimes downward. You give me so much high, and then you drop me. Or maybe it's just me? How many times have I felt this way...

But right now, with my face buried in my hands, I think about all those years, and all those times, and I am happy.

How do you feel so fulfilled and so empty at the same time?

"Just don't give too much."
"I'm trying but when he's in front of me, I cut myself open and bleed for him. I bleed all the love."

That sounds like a song. Doesn't make it any less true.

 
 

0 comments:

Cheats

I couldn't be any more proud of my friend Saab. We try to hang out everytime I'm home, and it feels like nothing's ever changed. In spite of her awesomeness and success, she's still the same old Fcukstain (as we fondly called each other back in the day) I met in 2005.

And so you can only imagine how proud I am of this Woman. You hear her voice and you see her on stage, and you know she was born to do this, not only because it's in her blood, but because she's amazing like that, in her own light and right (and not to mention, she's armed with awesome band mates. Hello Cholo, I've admired you since that Saguijo gig I saw you in, right before UDD came on stage, teehee).

YAY, CHEATS! Listen to their other single, "Newspaper Girl" - also one of my favorites!

0 comments: