I am so close to stabbing myself with my most expensive pen. I want to jump off a building. I want to shoot myself in the head. I want anything quick that could get me out of here. Out of my skin. Out of here. Out of here.

I want to tell my fucking head to shut up. I want to tell my fucking heart to stop feeling. 

Shut up, shut up. Shut the fuck up, please. Leave me alone.