Dear Diary




I'm feeling kind of lost. Then again, I have felt, and probably am lost for awhile. But I think I'm in a good place.

I look in the mirror and no longer try to find the girl that once smiled at me. I try to understand her. She isn't meant to be found, really. She's meant to be known. That part of me wasn't gone. She's still in there, in here. Only she's changed.

You know, we always tell ourselves that when people think we've changed, it's almost always bad news for them. Because we aren't the same people, and the person they all think they knew is long gone, and that they're going to have to get used to this whole new person. We smile less, we talk less. But what if this is what makes you happy, and makes you, what you believe ... to be better? They think it's a lot of work for them, right? But I guess they've never wondered what's it even like to be in your shoes.

I feel like whoever I am now, it's just a phase that will lead me to the person I am meant to be. I've accepted that I'm not meant to stay the same person after everything I've been through, and will be going through.

Life changes us everyday. And there are certain things you learn to accept and know is for the best. It always works out for the best anyway.

There are days when I still struggle, there are days when all I want to do is lie in bed. And then I tell myself that it's okay to. That I should take all the time I need. Because I do need it. Afterwards, I do feel better.

I don't know why I have to say it to myself over and over, type it over and over. But it's probably my way of ... I don't know, affirmation? We are all our own best friend. We do what we have to, to get by.

Society tells us that we should know who we are and what we're meant to do with our lives at this point. But we all know that age is just a number. I'm here to enjoy the ride. I'm here to enjoy the journey. I'm here to savor what I have right here, right now, and at the same time, do what I can to be able to live a life of contentment, of happiness. Why are people so afraid of that word anyway? Contentment. It's not like you're settling. And if you are, but you're happy? Who's to say that's not a fulfilling life?

We all have great, big adventures ahead of us. You spend a day at an Amusement Park, and you'd still feel the thrill and excitement of the whole experience even if you don't get your ass on the Roller Coaster, or heck - even the Ferris Wheel. We're all built differently, with different likes. With different choices. Either way, I trust in the fact that we can all enjoy it, if we choose to, and if we stand by those choices.

I'm just tired of pressuring myself to be in a place where my people my age are. I'm tired of pressuring myself to do things that people my age do. We all get out this one way. Why would I want to live my life like everyone else?


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